The Wisdom of Karl Pilkington
- (on the topic of male genitalia)
They're not a great look. I know that. Everyone knows that. It's just the way they are. I mean if we're all being honest...they're an odd design. - Leo kept telling me that a healthy body makes a healthy mind. I told him that's not always the case...look at Stephen Hawking.
- (on the topic of doppelgangers, and specifically the possibility of a Karl doppelganger)
How would I know which one I was? - If you just talk, I find that your mouth comes out with stuff.
- (taken from his journal)
Called Ricky and asked what the difference was between the mind and the brain. Ricky did explain, but I can't remember what he said. - I haven't got room for a dead owl.
- I don't like fun.
- (on what will happen to humans in the future)
We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that. - (on fun-sized chocolate bars)
I don't know why they're called "fun-sized". I mean, if I called a midget "fun-sized", they'd kick off. - (on why he doesn't want his eyes donated after he dies)
What happens if someone else has (my eyes), and they start looking at stuff I don't like? I don't like the idea of that. - Normally, aftershave is the sort of thing I let other people buy me. It's like underpants.
- You can't get anything done by planning.
- Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine.
- (on the inherent weirdness of the octopus)
Say if I come from another planet, and everything was lined up in a row, and they said, "Right - we're going to give you a crash course in what's knocking about on this planet. [...] This is man. Here's woman. Here's a dog, here's a cat. Here's an octopus, here's a -"
I'd go, "Hang on a minute...what is this?" - A problem solved is a problem caused.